Have you ever had one of those moments where you have to realize how important something is to you? Like, besides work I’ve hardly moved this month. There was no Christmas tree, no Christmas cards, no baking, and I’m not allowed to play Christmas music at all when he’s home. There was just nothing. I thought I was tired or not feeling well, but today, I think maybe I’ve been really sad. I love all those things, and because we’re getting ready to leave each other, there’s none of it.
To be fair, it’s not like it was great since we’ve been here. Juruseh hates Christmas so, he always makes sure to be extra-awful this time of year. At least this year I didn’t take the tree down three or four times because he viciously attacked me over it, or spend half the month in tears over him being that nasty. Still, part of me this morning wishes there was a tree.
Next year. Next year there will be no one to terrorize me or put down my love of Christmas, and it’s going to be epic. I’ve already got an enormous Amazon wishlist full of Christmas decoration ideas. That’s mostly what I’ve been doing this month, making wishlists for the life I don’t have yet.
The car still hasn’t sold. I think I would’ve been better if the vehicle sold. There would be hope, movement, something. Anything, but this stagnation. Maybe I’m a weirdo, but I enjoy change. It’s exciting and fun until I have my big change break down. I usually get over it pretty quick, but there’s a guaranteed couple of days that it won’t be pretty.
Man, I did not get half the stuff done this month that I wanted to. I didn’t even keep up with my blog or reading. Got to get back on the wagon. It’s all going to work out one way or another. I’ll be fine, and everything will be ok. I said to comfort myself…
Happy holidays everyone! I hope your day is filled with happy things!
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